What It Takes to Lead and Live Expansively

There is a particular kind of self-doubt that shows up at three in the morning. A decision you made hours earlier comes back to haunt you, and a voice starts asking why did you say that, why did you do that, what if, until you already know you are not getting any more sleep that night.

Underneath it is a question you might never say out loud: what are you even doing here, you do not belong, it is only a matter of time before they find out you have no idea what you are doing.

I've been thinking a lot about this recently, and about the leaders I've worked with across my career, the ones who thrived and the ones who never quite got there. After more than 25 years in leadership, twelve of them as a school Principal and CEO, I keep coming back to three things. Strategy. Identity. Vitality. You need all three in balance if you want to lead, and live, expansively.

For me, expansive leadership means being able to grow your influence and the difference you make, without doing it at the cost of the rest of your life. It means having a career that feels rich and worth having, one where you know you are making a difference, while still having space for the people you love, the things you love doing and the parts of yourself you are still growing into. Your relationships, your health, your connection to the people and the world around you, how much you give to others and how much you let yourself receive in return.

You need strategy, identity and vitality working together to live that way. Across my career I've watched people struggle to advance, struggle to make the impact they were capable of, and struggle to build a life beyond the job. Every time, the struggle traces back to one of the three.

Strategy

Strategy is about knowing how to lead well, and leadership is ultimately about people. You can have the best strategy in the world, but if people don't understand it, trust you or believe in where you're going, very little changes.

I've watched the same pattern play out many times. Someone comes in to lead a team, new or existing, at middle, senior or CEO level, carrying a fixed idea of what they know and where things should go. What they miss is the context they're stepping into, the culture, the actual people they'll be working with. They don't bring anyone with them on the vision, don't earn trust, don't communicate what the future looks like, and the wheels come off, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast.

Unless you're running the whole thing entirely by yourself, or have somehow replaced everyone with AI, you have to take people with you, at a pace that suits where they are. Sometimes that means going slowly to win the race. I've watched capable leaders fail to read the room, and it has cost them the role, sometimes within months.

Identity

This is the piece that can stop you before you even start, the self-doubt that keeps you from putting yourself forward for the next opportunity, whether that's more impact where you already are or the leap to the next stage.

It can sound like everyone else is better qualified than you are. It can also follow you into the job itself. You finally get the opportunity you wanted, but now every decision feels loaded, and the fear of getting one wrong can leave your team waiting for direction you're struggling to give them.

You already know the three am version from the start of this. It can be extraordinarily convincing when the rest of the house is asleep.

Vitality

Looking after your mind and body so they can do what you need them to do, at work and in the rest of your life. It's also harder to lead with patience, clarity or courage when you're running on empty.

Our lives are short, and I want to make the most of mine. I look around me most days and notice how beautiful it is here, the sky, the clouds, the sun, the mountains, the trees, the flowers and the lake. I make a point of feeling grateful that I have the ability to notice these things, that I am fit and strong enough to go out into the world and enjoy them, and I want that to remain true for many years to come. Of the three, I think it's the one most of us let slip first.

Last weekend, vitality looked like walking up to the big bench at Andrate, a good three kilometres uphill, including what felt like a full kilometre at speed while a very determined wasp did laps around me. The bench itself is part of a lovely, very Italian project that started just over the border in Piedmont back in 2010, when an American designer built the first oversized bench near his home, purely to give people a child's eye view of the landscape again. There are now hundreds of them scattered across the country, each placed somewhere worth stopping for. The view from ours was stunning, even though the day wasn't the clearest, and we stopped for lunch at a local restaurant on the way home, which felt like a very good reward for the climb and the wasp.

Strategy, identity and vitality need to work together for you to lead and live expansively. You can have all the ambition and leadership knowledge in the world, and still struggle to use it if identity keeps pulling you backwards. You can have the confidence to lead and still end up with nothing left for the rest of your life if vitality has slipped out of the picture. Miss any one of the three, and the whole thing becomes much harder to sustain.

This week's reflection

Where are you leading from a fixed idea of what should happen, rather than reading the room you're in?

What is the self-doubt saying to you, and is it something you'd let anyone else say to your face?

What has your body been asking you for that you keep postponing?

I'm bringing all three of these together in a free Expansive Leadership Masterclass on 8 September, looking at what strategy, identity and vitality mean in practice when you're trying to lead well without letting work consume the rest of your life. If you'd rather talk it through directly, you can book a free introductory call with me, no pressure and no pitch, just a conversation about where you are.

About the author

Johanna Urquhart is a leadership coach, mentor and the founder of Resta Forte. With 25 years of senior leadership experience including 12 years as a school Principal, she supports leaders to step fully into their leadership, expand their influence and make a meaningful impact, while continuing to nurture their health, relationships and sense of self.