Given the keys, unsure of the locks

When I started my first role as a school principal, I was handed an enormous bunch of keys. I had no idea what most of them opened.

I was thrilled to get the job, and I was terrified. Underneath both there was a question I never said out loud. Even after two deputy head roles, I wasn't sure I really knew what a school principal did. What if I couldn't do it? What if someone worked out I wasn't up to it?

I had nine months between saying yes and starting, and I spent those months learning everything I could from other people, especially the areas I felt least sure of. HR. Finance. All the things nobody teaches you when you train as a teacher.

On that first evening, after everyone had gone home, I sat in the school holding this ridiculous jangle of metal, and it hit home. The buck stopped with me now.

That memory has been coming back to me a lot recently. Conversations with clients have had me thinking about self-trust in leadership: what it means, how we build it, and how different it is from feeling confident.

What carried me when confidence was missing

What I've learned, slowly and across a whole working life, is how to trust myself. I rarely have every answer in the moment. What I do have is faith in my ability to learn, to grow and to work out what I need to. That self-trust has carried me through many of the moments when confidence was missing.

It was the same when I started this business. I knew I wanted to do something different. I wanted to make a bigger difference for other leaders, the ones who are struggling, or who want to lead better and lead in a way that leaves room for a life beyond the job. I knew I could help them. What I knew about running an online business was, honestly, nothing at all.

Some mornings I still wake up and think, you have no idea what you're doing here, or how are you going to find the next client. Then I remember what I do know. I have seen the difference it makes to the people I work with. So I keep going. I keep learning. I keep refining.

You might be waiting to feel fully confident before you apply for the role, start the project, have the conversation or make the decision. It's worth knowing that confidence often grows after we act. It's self-trust that helps you take the first step, before the proof is in.

Trusting yourself doesn't mean the doubt disappears. There are still days when I wonder whether I'm making the right call, and moments when the old worry whispers that I don't quite belong here. Self-trust has never meant believing I am always right. It shows up as a willingness to listen, to ask for advice, to make the best decision I can with what I have in front of me, and to change course when I need to. Every experience becomes information. Either my confidence grows, or I learn something that helps me make a better decision next time.

Helping leaders build that same self-trust is one of the most valuable parts of what I do. It is central to my one-to-one coaching, and it is why the first programme inside the Resta Forte Leadership Academy is called Lead with Self Trust.

Questions to reflect on

Think back a few years. What can you now do confidently that you once had no idea how to do?

What does that tell you about your ability to learn and adapt?

Where are you waiting to feel completely ready before you begin?

What is one step you could take if you trusted yourself to handle what came next?

A note on wellbeing

Self-trust isn't only a mindset. It lives in the body too. When we're exhausted and running on empty, every decision feels heavier and the doubt grows louder. So next time, before you talk yourself out of something, notice the difference between real caution and plain tiredness. Sometimes a short walk, a proper night's sleep or ten minutes outside will do more for your judgement than another hour spent turning the decision over in your head.

Ways to work with me

If you'd like support in building this kind of steady self-trust, there are two ways we can work together.

The Resta Forte Leadership Academy is for leaders who want to strengthen how they lead alongside a small group of peers who understand what they are carrying. It begins with Lead with Self Trust.

My one-to-one coaching is for senior leaders who want a private, confidential space to think clearly, make important decisions and lead from somewhere more grounded.

If either feels relevant, you can follow the links above or send me a message and tell me a little about where you are. We can work out together whether it is the right fit.

About Jo

Jo Urquhart is the founder of Resta Forte. She works with leaders who want to lead with clarity and calm, and to build something sustainable that leaves room for a life beyond the job. After more than 25 years in senior school leadership, including principal roles in Scotland and Italy, she now coaches leaders one to one and through the Resta Forte Leadership Academy.